Living with a moody, anxiety ridden, controlling abusive man

by Kelly Bennett
(Naples, Florida)

Wow! It was a week ago TODAY that a mutual dating domestic violence incident that resulted in only me being arrested and sent to jail for Battery!.

Briefly he was controlling, moody, emotionally and verbally abusive, a Dr. Jekyll and My Hyde personality. I never knew what mood he would be in when he got home (we lived together not married) and he would constantly nit-pick, criticize, call me stupid for the most petty things like not making coffee right, hanging towels wrong, washing dishes wrong, and even angered by me throwing gum out of the window of his car (really?)... lots of people do that. It was constant so I moved out.

Ok, so I kept dating him after that. Mistake! As he was being so nice and wanting me back. Then the physical abuse. I am a first time offender. The fight happened and he grabbed my neck and began to CHOKE me (I am 5'2" and weigh 102 lbs. he is 6'1" and weighs 190 lbs...Quite unmatched. I could not breathe.) Anyway, the choking left me gasping for a breath and fear that he would kill me so I hit him in self-defense and bloodied his mouth. I was charged with a misdemeanor... again he was not charged! And he had guns in his home. I am a first time offender. The result was shear hell for me. I am financially broke due to the enormous lawyer fees, bail bond fees, etc...And now I have a permanent record which affects me getting a job, rent an apartment and my friends can google my name and see my mug shot! Hoe bad is that. Not to mention the emotional toll that it took on me and my health. I was traumatized and had nightmares for days and lost sleep.

Moral of this story: If a man starts emotionally and verbally abusing you, the next step is him physically abusing you. Leave please if you can. There are resources to help you get out and help your children if you have them. Be strong and stop the violence. You do not deserve to be treated badly. I also urge you to get counseling for why you chose and abusive personality and how you can make better choices in finding a non-abusive relationship. Let's face it. I am a 'bad picker' for a man. My father was abusive so perhaps this was a comfort zone for me to be with this ‘damaged, bad man.’ But I'm seeking counseling to find out how I can improve my self-esteem and be happy after this nightmare.

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Jun 16, 2015
hi
by: rainonme

your words will help others. thank you for sharing,as we travel the same road.

Jul 11, 2015
Stay strong, focus forward
by: Anonymous

I support your decision to leave, and agree with you that once verbal and emotional abuse is present, physical abuse seems to always follow. It seems the more the abuser "gets away with", it only emboldens him to escalate. Nothing is enough to feed his need to over-power you. What happened with your battery charge is not your fault. You did what you needed to in order to escape, but laws are far from perfect.
I commend you on your ability to face your situation for what it is, and am glad you are getting counseling. I hope you can continue to move your life in a positive and healthy direction and focus your energy on building a happy life.

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