Relationship Violence Survivor

by Grace
(Illinois)

How It All Started

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was with this guy on and off for about a year. We started dating the end of my senior year in high school. He was going away to college, while I decided to stay home for a year at community college. He was everything I ever dreamed of. He was charming, loving, and everything a girl ever wanted. We spent everyday together that summer, wishing the day he left for college would never come. When that day came I went with him to drop him off at college. He promised that we would work out, and everything would be okay.

Off to College and Rocky Roads Ahead

I visited him almost every other weekend, and he would come home now and then for a weekend. First semester started off really smooth, and I had such confidence that we were going to last. Like normal couples, we would fight and argue from time to time. Looking back now, I missed all the warning signs that I should've seen back then.

Warning Signs I Should Have Noticed

When we would argue he would always accuse me of the wrong doing, even though I wasn't at fault and I did nothing wrong. It got worse and worse, we were fighting more than a couple should. He got really controlling in a short amount of time. I would get yelled at if I wore yoga pants because I was "asking for unwanted attention." We broke up over winter break going into second semester. We still talked, but it was nothing serious.

Second Chances

Towards the end of second semester he talked me into that he had changed and to give him another chance. Not knowing it was the worst decision I've made, I gave in and decided to give him another chance.

When he came home for the summer we went to concerts together, and he made me believe he was a whole new person, until my world turned upside down. He would call me names when he was mad. He would shove me when he was mad. He belittled me to no end. He applied to work at the same job as I was, and I didn't have a problem with it because he would he working in a different area. I thought wrong. He would watch me through a window while I was working. He would come up to me and harass me while on the job. If I talked to a male, he would think I was cheating on him and call me a slut. He would break things and throw things at my face at work if I was seen talking to a male coworker. It got worse and worse. A few days after he got the job, he came over to my house. We were arguing about something stupid. He got out of control and put his hands around my neck. I didn't know what was happening. I was being chocked, in my own home. I thought I was safe in my house. No one can hurt me in my own home. That thought was crushed.

Fear and Control

I continued to stay with him not because I'm stupid, but I was afraid. If he was able to show that he isn't afraid of harming me in my own home, he isn't afraid of doing other things to me. After I told him that I wanted some space and we should go on a break, he began to become obsessive with me. His words were "If I cant have you, no one will." He would watch my every move. One day as I was getting off my shift, I was getting ready to go to my car and go home. He wasn't at work that day because he wasn't assigned to work that day. As I was getting my keys in the other room, I walked out and see him standing in front of me in my path. I asked "what are you doing here?" He said "I'm here for you." He then followed me to my car and pushed and shoved me like I was a rag doll. I was sobbing. I just couldn't take it anymore. I got to the car, and he blocked the driver's side door so that I couldn't get in. This went on for about 15 minutes. I noticed that his car was parked right behind mine, so I was unable to get out of the parking space. After I was able to get around him and into my car, I waited there until he left. I reported it to my manager, and he resolved that issue by dismissing him from the work place. The next morning I noticed my car was egged. He wouldn't stop texting me after I blocked multiple numbers that he made up from different apps. It got worse. He would drive past my house at least four times a day. He would be at the same places I was at.

After this incident I decided that enough was enough.

I went home crying to my mom. She was disgusted at what this man had put me through. The very next day we went to the judicial center to request a restraining order. I was granted it and have never been so thankful in my life. For once in my life, I felt safe. I felt like I had some power. I currently have a restraining order against my ex for two years. I am able to live my life again without someone watching my every move. I am able to feel beautiful without someone saying I'm a slut because I brushed my hair or wear yoga pants. I am able to be me again without being scared about being harmed.

I am free.

Comments for Relationship Violence Survivor

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Feb 07, 2016
live love laugh
by: rainonme incalifornia

you did something wonderful for yourself. i hope you always do something that makes you happy. thank you for sharing what happened. bless you.

Feb 08, 2016
Strength
by: Anonymous

What a touching story that needed to be told. You sound like a person who has so much strength. It took alot of guts to realize what was going on and finally do something about it.

You should feel empowered and proud of yourself for wheat you did and what you have become.

God Bless you on a journey full of happiness and love.

Feb 10, 2016
Moving on
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for what happened to you! It took a lot of courage to leave and you should be proud of yourself. These violations against you are disgusting and sooner or later your abuser will have his day in jail on a long term basis. As you said you're free and able to recover what he tried to steal, which is your self-esteem and dignity. Abusers are master manipulators and con artists who like cockroaches run into dark corners when "light" is shown on them. Love you, build your self up again, and you did the right thing by standing up to this pathetic abusive bully!' Good luck with your future and all the best

Feb 11, 2016
Freedom Reigns!
by: Jenn Sadai

I'm not sure what makes me happier, reading that you escaped the bad relationship, the fact that you're brave enough now to share your story, or all the wonderful responses you received from other survivors. I'm a domestic violence survivor who's written a book about what I endured to warn and support other women in similar situations. I love seeing others who are open and honest about their experiences, because that's the only way to break the silence and end the stigma!

Congrats! You are a SURVIVOR!!
Love, Jenn Sadai

Feb 16, 2016
Reply
by: Grace

Thank you all so much for all of these amazing comments. I wanted nothing more than to help others with my story and let other victims and survivors know they are not alone! Reading these comments brings me tears of joy. I am thankful for you all. God bless.

With much love,
Grace

Aug 02, 2016
I'm. So proud of u
by: Mkd

I never thought I'd get out but the hardest part is telling your loved ones. I got out but without my parents support would have never gotten there. Make sure you don't fall in that rut and just be kind to yourself. In no way is what happened to you your fault.

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