Stuck! I feel helpless, hopeless and have no self esteem left
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. From the beginning I should have just left because these problems have been going on since then and just get worse. My boyfriend and I are two different races so in his eyes, there is already problems.
I had just got out of one bad relationship and got right into another bad one. Till this day I don't know if its because I felt lonely and had no standards or what.
This boyfriend of mine when we first met, he would do and say really out of the ordinary things, things that weren't just the "normal argument" whatever that is, I don't even know any more.
I remember the first incident was so ridiculous, he jumped on my back, and he tackled me to the floor all so he could take my cigarettes off of me because he wanted them. I know your saying this is petty. Because it is. As time went on he would always put me down, ESPECIALLY when an argument arose, because he would say things to me like "your butt isn't big enough" or "your stomach looks like sh**" and just recently said "your not attractive at all" and "you have no friends" "your dad doesn't even call you because he doesn't even like you!" By the way I have two kids, one is his (the youngest one), (the oldest)one is not.
Besides the emotional abuse he put me through for five long years, which why today I have NO SELF ESTEEM AT ALL, there has been plenty of physical abuse. He has broken my car windshield, my car's emergency brake, my front door window to my house two times, a book shelf, has ripped my purse, broke nic naks on the book shelf and worst of all my arm. All of the things he broke has been on different occasions.
Also, there has been several occasions of him sending "dirty text messages" to other females. One in particular on the day of my birthday, he sent a text msg to a girl saying he wanted to do sexual things with her, another incident where he told a different girl, " its been a long time coming between me and you."
This literally makes me sick to really think of everything this man has done to ruin me and put me down in a hole. I'm worried about my kids because there always in the mist of this and its not healthy for no one. I feel worthless, helpless, hopeless and have the worst anxiety because of him.
He's lied to me plenty of times, and I feel as though he treats me like some guy off the street. There is NO RESPECT OR TRUST anymore. And I will always have just one question for myself, WHY DID I PUT UP WITH THIS FOR SO LONG?
I really need some help because I cant take being treated like a dog anymore...The police have been involved several times, and we finally have a NO CONTACT but he refuses to leave. I dont know how someone can do this to a human??? :(