The Night My Life Changed Forever
In One Night
Domestic violence is not something that is talked about.
Its like its a taboo subject - see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Lets face it, domestic violence is not really the sort of thing you can just chat about over a bottle of wine with friends and out the world to rights over.
And that's not any ones fault really, its hard when you have experienced DV to be able to talk about it, and its hard for people to listen. Which you can't blame people for its hard to know how to react, unless you are able to find someone who has experienced what you have or a similar situation.
Intimate Partner Abuse Takes Away Your Life
I went through a horrific ordeal, which in a way I am still dealing with 12 years later. He nearly took everything in my life and my future away from me. And for that I truly hope he has been tormented with guilt, but I doubt it. I was deeply affected by what happened, and it has taken me a long time, not only to come to terms with what happened, but to truly be able to live again.
So, I have decided to share my story in the hope it may help people in overcoming not only the ordeal but the aftermath too.
My Personal Domestic Violence Story
At the time, I was suffering from an overactive thyroid and was generally unwell. As a result I wasn't going out very much. I had the operation for my thyroid, and things were on the up. I was finding energy I hadn't felt for some time and wanting to do more. I was happy in a relationship (so i thought).
I started changing my usual routine by going out more, generally with the crowd from work on a Friday afternoon down at the local pub and all seemed okay.
But, he didn't like it.
The Abuse Gradually Escalated
At first it was the mental abuse, chipping away at my confidence and character bit by bit, little things like what I was wearing or how my make up looked. Its true what they say; the more something is said, the more you start believing its you and not them.
The little things, to be honest, I didn't really notice at the time: Knocking my confidence, making me believe I was at fault, for making him jealous.
Things weren't that bad though, or so I thought, until things took a drastic turn for the worse the night before Good Friday.
It was the afternoon before Good Friday, he had already told me he was busy fishing with his mates on Good Friday. So, when they guys at work had asked me if I wanted to go on a bike/pub crawl, I thought why not.
When I got home from work, I told him of my day and plans for the following day. This is when it started really.
He worked in the building at the rear of where I worked and could see our rest area. He asked me about the guy I was having a fag with at lunch and was it him I was really seeing tomorrow. I laughed, as the idea was preposterous. He grabbed me by the face and pinned me to the floor, ripping my knickers off and smelt them to see if I'd had sex (I'd been at bloody work for Pete's sake). I was in total shock, Where the hell had this come from? I managed to kick him off, resulting in him storming off out. Looking back I should have left, right there and then. I wish I had.
I was a blubbering mess trying to understand what had just happened. That was the first time he had ever lay a finger on me, and I couldn't understand why.
My Life Was About to Change Forever
Midnight arrived and He still wasn't home. Part of me was relieved. Then I heard the key in the front door. My heart sank and felt panicky. I didn't want another argument so I pretended to go to sleep. He came into the bedroom and tried to wake me.
He then proceeded to tell me that I had brought all of that on myself earlier for being a slag and spat in my face. I sat up in bed sobbing. I looked at him and told him I was not a slag. I wasn't even flirty. He started pulling things out of my wardrobe and ripped the sleeves of my favorite blue shirt. I got out of bed and told him I was leaving. I didn't deserve to be treated like this.
That's when my life changed forever and not in good way. He punched me to the floor and started kicking me in the stomach and legs, dragged me off the floor by my hair and flung me on the bed I did try to fight back as panic was starting to take over.
He pinned me on the bed by kneeling on my arms so I couldn't move, I tried to kick him off but he was too strong. I looked in his eyes, and they terrified me they were like a wild animal, wired to hell. I just knew something bad was going to happen. I begged him not to hurt me; pleaded with him.
He then took off his T-shirt and in what seemed like slow motion lowered it and covered my face. I froze rigid. I have never felt fear like it, and knew I was in serious trouble. There was something inside of me though that made me freeze and stopped crying in an instant.
I felt him move and felt his hands lower over my nose and mouth. There are no words to describe or even begin to explain what was going through me during this or what I have been left with as a result of his inability to control his temper.Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women Who Broke Free
I have no concept of time, but it couldn't have gone on for very long. It seemed like a lifetime, and then he just got off and left the room. I gasped so hard I was sick. I was soaking wet and realized that I had pissed myself during what had just happened. I had no concept of time and felt disoriented. I tried to gather some clothes and grabbed my phone. He then walked back into the bedroom grabbed the phone off me and smashed it against the wall. He then dragged me by my hair out to the outside stairs and threw me out wearing nothing but a vest top and knickers.
"I Could Barely Move"
I collapsed in a pile on the door step desperately wanting the ground to open up and swallow me. I sobbed and sobbed; all I wanted was my mum. I contemplated going to the phone box but was terrified to move. It was early hours and he would know where I was and I could barely move, and I was really sore. I was scared that if he found me at the phone box. He would finish what he started.
I heard the church bells. It was 3:00AM and April. I was that numb, and I couldn't even feel the cold. He came back down the stairs and said sorry. He told me to come back inside, and I broke down inconsolably saying your only going to hurt me I cant take any more. He promised not to touch me or even come near me. I had no where else to go, no money on me, no phone, so agreed to go back inside. I went into the bedroom and moved the bed in front of the door so he couldn't get in.
I sat on the window sill just staring out the window, sobbing, not even thinking, just completely numb. But then, it started to sink in. I watched the sun rise and after the night I had, it made me cry. I had realized that he was an evil son of a bitch, he had nearly taken everything from my life and my future that night with his bear hands and for that I could never forgive him.
I refused to be beaten by this, and, stupidly, I was going to do what had started all of this and go out with the crowd from work. Why? I hear you asking? I wish I could explain. It was like I was proving a point that I would not be controlled. I was not going to allow him to demoralize and destroy me.
I opened the bedroom door, and he was sitting there. He had his tail between his legs. I am not sticking up for him in any way, but I think what had happened had scared him too, the fact he lost control so much. I can't see how someone can behave like that and not feel sick with remorse. No words were said and I walked straight past him and continued with my plans to meet the others.
I was physically and mentally exhausted, but I had to go through with this for me. A long day of stares ensued, as they all knew something had happened. I tried to say I was pissed and fell down the stairs, but I wasn't very good at hiding how I was feeling.
To be honest its not really the kind of thing you can discuss over a pint. Looking back there was no way I could have acted normal after the horrendous experience. It must have been pure adrenalin that kept me going, but I managed to complete the 19 mile bike ride and left everyone.Continue reading part 2...