Lost

I feel lost. My whole life I saw family violence, and others victimized me. Partner abuse is all I've ever known.

My transgressor was verbally abusive from day one. But I somehow thought, hey, nothing new, I can handle it. It didn't take long before he became physically and sexually abusive as well. But by that time, it was too late we had a little one on the way. I tried to leave a year later. But seeing him with someone else and treating her good, I foolishly came back, even though he had another child on the way. Boy did he make me pay for leaving. It was and still is always my fault.

We have another little one. Our youngest. And, it has now been 12 years. We have been through my partner's infidelity, and still all of the abuse. He even threatened to harm my babies to get me to stay.

He was in an accident a year ago. Although my partner believes he has changed, nothing has. He is still just as abusive. I feel lost, stuck, and ashamed for not being strong enough to walk away for my kids. Even when my oldest has begged me to leave, I know it sounds stupid and dumb, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LEAVE. I've never had to do it on my own. I don't know what to do.

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