Domestic story from Finland.

by Lilian Nyaguthie
(Finland)

Unable to Go Back

My name is Lilian Nyaguthie Mwai. I am a Kenyan citizen living in Finland. I have been going through mental torment and even physical abuse from my ex-husband here in Finland. Efforts to reach out to the Finnish government for help have bore no fruit and despite the fact that I have a restraining order against him, it doesn’t seem to help the situation at all. Nevertheless, I am in possession of vital evidences of racial abuse as well as physical abuse, police reports on the same and yet justice doesn’t seem to come my way. This is a man who is manipulating the court process to work in his favor, and he is working with his daughter who he had from a previous marriage to take my son away from me thanks to Olavi's lies about me. I cannot come to Kenya because the Finnish government took my son’s passport. And there is no way I can ever leave my son, not for any reason whatsoever.

From Honeymoon Period to Abuse

I met Olavi in Kenya when I was a primary school teacher. I got pregnant with his son while in Kenya and he decided that we should go to Finland since in Kenya he wasn’t making enough money. Our son (Daniel) was born in 2010 and everything was working out so well until the year 2012 when I came back home in Kenya to visit together with my son. That was the beginning of a traumatizing relationship. Olavi changed completely, he was against the idea of our son visiting Kenya, my home country, our relationship deteriorated, and he became unsupportive, selfish and insultive. With the help of his daughter, they conspired to take my son away from me, and subsequently lock me out of my son’s custody. I have suffered a lot of emotional pain thinking of my son having to be subjected to these selfish acts by his father, court battles whose outcomes he is influencing, lies fabricated against me to portray me as a careless mother, insults and discrimination just because I am not a native of Finland. It’s really difficult facing all this by myself, because I have no family member here in Finland. My ex-husband is taking advantage of that fact, so he together with his daughter and the very well connected friends that he has are manipulating the court processes to work in their favor.

Lost Roots

My son is five years old now, yet he is already being denied the chance to learn about his roots. What is wrong with a child visiting his mother’s country of birth? Do they think that just because I am from an African country then I have no voice? I have documents depicting evidences of racial abuse as well as a police report I had filed about physical assault under the hands of Olavi. I am afraid this man and his daughter might go to the extreme because I am an impediment to their plans to keep Daniel. A lot of African mothers here can attest to this. But I am Kenyan, and my son has Kenyan blood in him, he reserves the right to explore his roots, meet his grandparents, his family. It’s not like am stealing him, he is my son, and I just want to raise my son through the values I was raised up with by my mother. We Kenyans pride ourselves in our strong cultural values, I believe my son should also experience the taste of Kenya. For a country that prides itself in a fair and just democracy to its residents, Finland should be in the forefront in providing fair and equal justice to every resident in its territory, racial status notwithstanding. Court decisions are not supposed to be manipulated in favor of a native of that country.

I also reserve the right to raise my son because I gave birth to him. He is not a lab project or a clone, he is my son whom I carried for nine months. I can’t and won’t leave without my son, and no amount of intimidation will pressure me into giving up my son. If I am to be deported then I welcome that notion whole heartedly, I miss my country, the freedom, the Kenyan spirit of love and harmony. There is nothing I would love so much as to go back home to my people, but not without my son. My son is everything to me. If I have to face this battle alone, then I will face it. There are many African women here in Finland who are undergoing the same situation, but the tyrannical doctrines here act as a silencer.

Why I Share My Story

I share this story with the world so that everyone can feel the pain of a mother struggling with a racially motivated agenda, a voice for the many African women suffering depression and mental distress from situations just like mine.