Two years ago I met a terrible man. Two years ago that feels like yesterday because I have always remembered and always will remember those consecutive days of chances I kept giving someone who didn't deserve them. I have never shared my story with people other than family, friends, and such. But recently after a school assignment on abuse I wanted to just get it out, I wanted to write it and type it and just get it out.
Two years ago I was in a relationship with what seemed like the perfect alcoholic guy, I fell madly in love with him quickly, too quickly some might even say. I met him in November, we started dating in December. The physical abuse was not immediate, however the verbal and emotional was. It began with simple things, random cursing's. The rants about how worthless I was. The rants about how no one wanted me, that's why he has me. The I can go on and on but basically it was a never ending cycle of belittling me. Why I believed this was okay is beyond me to this day I look back, and can only conclude that I was blinded by the fact that someone wanted me after being single for so long. I wanted love so bad I excepted the wrong person. Before he started hitting me also came the cheating that was around February. He began cheating on me, and once I caught him it was my fault. I wasn't doing something right or he wouldn't have had to cheat was the answer that justified his actions. So we broke up for a short time just because I didn't want to be that girl that was cheated on, but eventually his little side mistress moved along and he was back at my door begging for another chance, that he would change and it would be better and he would never do it again.
Should I have turned away then? Yes. Did I? No. Do I regret that? Not at all.
We were back together by the end of March. Two weeks probably passed that were all happiness, sunshine, candy canes, and unicorns. Finally, the worst of the worst began. What pushed him to this point I may never know... What made that switch just flick from verbally and emotionally abusing me to hitting me I may never know. It was an April night after going out with friends when I say friends I mean his friends since I was not permitted to have any at the time because of his cheating he was now paranoid of me cheating. We went out to eat and drink, and of course he got drunk, typical alcoholic for you, but I loved him anyways I thought I was doing to right thing in the name of love trying to love someone despite his imperfections, but that's not what I was doing I was making excuses for someone that didn't deserve excuses. After we got home from the drinks with friends he began accusing me of looking at other guys at the place that night, he then began telling me how I was too drunk to drive home after only 2 drinks, because I knew I had to get myself home. It was at the moment I was looking for my keys in my purse standing beside my car that he came up behind me and slammed me on the ground. It was at that moment that he smirked and shouted at the same time for me to get up off the ground. Once I got up that was only for him to be able to slam me up against my car, and yank my pocket book and keys away from me and throw them away from me in the yard. He then proceeded to put me into a choke hold... I had never in my life up to that point been choked, I had never known what it felt like to be scratching, kicking, scared and fighting for your life in an instance. I never knew what it was like to not be able to breath for such a long time and to feel as if this was it, this was where my life was going to end. By the time he released me from the choke hold I just fell to the ground, gasping for air and thanking God I was still alive. It wasn't until he began kicking me and screaming for me to get up that I regretted him letting me out of the choke hold. Finally after I guess the ball that I had curled myself into and the tears of my sobs no longer amused him, he stopped kicking and screaming and I finally was able to bring myself to my feet. He looked at me and grabbed me by the face and said "I could kill you if I wanted to" and simply walked away, never turned around never said he was sorry, nothing just walked away and got in his car. We didn't speak until the next day and I really really was going to be done, I had decided that it was too much he took it too far. But he began apologizing "Sorry I only did what I had to do in the moment" blah blah blah. I didn't leave him I stayed.
The next incident happened a couple days after. It wasn't anything like the first one but it was painful and terrifying. He had a lifted truck and I had asked him to go somewhere and he got so mad that he tore the top part of his console off, and began beating me with it, he leaned over opened my passenger door(because the setting of this attack took place in his truck) and pushed me out right onto the ground and drove off. I didn't hear from him for a couple hours, I went to a friends house to seek help and someone to just listen. He finally called and wanted to talk so against my friends advice I went... We made up that night and I stayed with him again...
This is the third and the final attack.... It took place the next weekend.... We went to a local drag race type thing with a group of his friends... During that period he got heavily intoxicated go figure... I myself had a few drinks and immediately upon finishing my second drink had had enough and didn't need anymore. He then started bashing my behavior to his friends saying I was acting out and being a terrible drunk, (keep in mind I'm sitting on a tailgate watching the race) he demands me to get in the car and wait. With all these people around he grabs my arm tells them I'm feeling sick, and puts me into the car for the remainder of the race. I don't bother to fight back I have made my mind up to leave as soon as we get back to my car, that night. I spend an hour or so more in the car and finally we leave. We drive back to where our cars are, we always took separate cars everywhere. I go to leave and sure enough it starts all over again just like the first night, the choke hold, the throwing me on the ground, the kicking, the screaming but only now, I fight back I get up get away and just run I run toward the house of a person I knew nearby. Why not his friends house one might ask? Well because they knew what was happening and claimed to want to mind their own business and not get involved. As I was running I was nearly there I felt so close, and I was football tackled, slammed onto to hard asphalt I was punched a few times in the right side of the face. Then dragged by my hair back down the road, my skin I could feel peeling off as it scratched the asphalt. To my rescue came ONE single guy out of all the men and women at his friends house who had to be able to hear all that was going on one came to help me he had grabbed my keys drove my car up to me and my now exboyfriend and grabbed him off of me long enough for me to get up somehow manage to get up, get into my car, and drive off. How? How could I move. Now looking back and remembering the missing skin, the bruises how I was able to move so quickly and get out of there just simply is because I was absolutely scared for my life. I knew my life probably depended on getting out of there. After that I officially declared it was over I gave up and let go.
So here I am 2 years later writing all of this. Here I am now 2 years later with the love of my life, someone who has never raised a hand to me, never even said something disrespectful to me or downgrading in any way. I know what real love is now and for so long I had the wrong definition and the wrong idea. Hitting someone you love is not okay. Even the physical and emotional abuse I experienced in the beginning is not okay. From my experience and my journey of overcoming the abuse, I learned how to love, I learned what it is to be loved, I learned what a healthy relationship looks like. I am now a strong woman I am wiser, and because of what I went through I am right where I am suppose to be, and with who I should be with. It made me who I am, and I am proud of it and forever will be, that is why I answered earlier I do not regret it, and I never will.
I am strong, I am brave, and I am finally happy. (: