Caught in a web of lies, disguise and mesmerize

by Wanda Keller
(14311 Skyfrost Dr. Lot #319, Dallas Tx. 75253)


I was primed as a child to accept verbal abuse, threats, and violence. I thought that was normal. I also had another strike against me; I had a very severe case of asthma. My doctors told me I had to learn how to control my emotions at a very early age. This skill only accelerated my abuse.

My abuser/ex-husband started like most; Mr. Charming, do everything for me, flowers, expensive dinners, and dates (like private airplane rides, etc.). Lots of charm, lots of lies, lots of disguises and lots of mesmerizing, everything was about me, pleasing my boys and me. That is until we moved in. That’s when the red flags started appearing. It was verbal and intimidating, but very subtle, and he excused it off as the stress of moving.

I’m from a dysfunctional home where verbal and mental abuse was routine, as well as intimidating threats with knives and gun. So I thought that was normal. I did not know that was abuse. I didn’t know what was classified as abuse.

He used criticizing, belittling, insulting what I wore or how I wore my makeup, lots of little stuff. As more time passed, it became more and more frequent and then the mental abuse started. Again; it was very subtle and slowly became more manipulative so that I would question myself and begin to believe that I was losing my mind. (Which was the plan.)

Then the physical abuse started subtle and mild like; an unexpected push, shove, scratch or pinch escalating to; slapping, grabbing my arm leaving fingerprint bruises; yanking or jerking me around accidentally slamming me into a wall or door. Intimidating looks, then throwing small minuscule items at me like keys, book, later graduating to glass plate, glass ashtray, hard-heeled shoes, glass picture frames, etc.

Then its control, which at first thought it was cute because he insisted it was because he loved me so much. And he was only looking out for my best interest. (I didn’t know any better, so I believed him.)

The verbal and physiological abuse was happening all the time and with enough brainwashing mantras like; you’re stupid, you’re worthless, you can't-do anything. That with manipulation and intimidation tactics by the time my abusive ex-husband started the more injurious physical abuse. I believed him when he said it was my entire fault and thought I deserved it. My worst physical abuse was the time he slammed my head into the door facing with such force I immediately lost consciousness and landed in the hospital with a broke back.

This is not ALL. But all I have time and space to write for now. I will write more detail in another story submission. These events took place in 1994, so there were no laws that we have now to protect domestic violence victims.

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