Domestic Violence - Once in Denial, Now Set Free
by Dina Amato
I hope this will help others to gain the strength to face the truth.
Domestic violence is so hard to admit you are a victim of. I hope and pray as I listen to “I love the way you lie” that seems to make us feel it’s ok to be abused, whether it’s physical or metal we seem to think it’s normal, but it’s not.
I was a victim of both for years but in denial, for he was my best friend since I was 15 and the only one who really loved and adored me. How can your soulmate, best friend, and husband abuse you? It so hard to face it until it goes too far, then we Thank God we survived it all if we are one of the lucky ones and before it was too late. But for me, I still don’t know if it was too late before I took a stand for myself and my girls and got out for it still isn’t over, and I again must face reality for what he has put us through.
I feel I am lucky since so far I am physically ok for now, mentally I’m getting stronger. Still, my husband hurt me financially and mentally. The physical abuse wasn’t as bad as it could have been, for I believe the love he had for me kept me somewhat safe from being seriously hurt. Don’t get me wrong he has harmed me, mental abuse is just as bad. I do fear for my life once again. Everything that went wrong in his life was always my fault. He always knew who to threaten to hurt to make me stay and all the words to call me to make me doubt myself. Finally, after 2 restraining orders that I dropped and bailing him out of jail twice, I have left him now to stay there in prison for the holidays and won’t post bail. Nor do I except his phone calls, dreading what he may do when he gets out after 2 months of being locked up. My girls are in a better place with him being gone and us being in our own home. There was a price I had to pay to get us here, but luckily the price I paid was losing a lot of my sentimental belongings and the car that I worked so damn hard to get. I am still alive and hope to stay that way.
I feel this story may just be starting after all that we have been through. Every day I have to remind myself of everything he has done. They tend to make us forget all the pain they put us through because we have too much compassion. We tend to forget the abuse and remember how they loved us. Are we crazy or just human? We shouldn’t have to pay the price for love. It took for him to choke me for taking my car keys from him to realize that he could actually kill me one day for me to start planning on getting away from him. It’s not easy when your living paycheck to paycheck and paying all the bills since he hasn’t worked in months because he’s “too depressed” and he won’t leave. What the heck do you do?
I left 2 times only to go back to be in my own home and have my space. Still, ultimately, I knew I had to get out after he slit my tire, threatened my kids from my first marriage, threatened my grandkids, and threatened to get me fired. Then he put water in the gas tank of my new car, and after I left, drove my new car into a canal. Then he attempted to break into my apartment. Now he’s in jail his worst nightmare! Will he come after me for revenge when he gets out? I guess I will find out in less than 2 weeks and I will share what is yet to happen.