Domestic Violence Storm: Shaken Not Broken

by Chalon
(California)

Domestic Violence was not supposed to happen to me! I help people that are torn apart by abuse! There must be some mistake, right?

I am a 41-year-old mother of two beautiful children in my care. I worked very hard to save my marriage, but I was too blind to accept that no amount of prayer would make my husband do right by the kids or me. My husband cheated on me, lied more than the law allows, lost more jobs than I could keep count, and started drinking a lot. I found out after he left that he was a drug user (which I suspected). In January 2016 after close to seven years of marriage, I asked him for a divorce. He pleaded with me to go to counseling, and he even sent an email to the pastor asking for help (once again manipulation with no intention of changing). By April 2016, no change. By the end of April, he became so verbally abusive that he shattered my self-esteem.

The verbal abuse and manipulation started long before he hit me. I wanted out. During our argument, I told him I wanted a divorce when he came home smelling of alcohol and eyes bloodshot red. That was the worst night of my life. My husband socked me in my left jaw and began to strangle me, while our two children slept in the other room. I couldn't breathe! I fought for my life. He finally let go! I believed when I married my husband it would be until death did we part. I would never have dreamed that death could have been possible from the hands of my husband. This incident was the first and last time my husband physically assaulted me. Domestic violence has embedded an emotional scar in me for life.

For my safety, I had to relocate, left with all the bills. Financially it has been difficult. My family has tried to help some, but they are limited. I have a three-year restraining order, a criminal restraining order, pending court case and pending divorce. I struggled to ask for help because I always helped others. There was a part of me that felt like a failure. I could no longer deny that "I needed help bouncing back." I have not heard from Victims of Crime yet regarding relocation, medical, and loss of wages reimbursement due to intimate partner violence. I guess that takes a while.

I am so humbled by this and thank God I am still alive to raise my kids. I have been trying to raise money for me to get my children winter clothing, take care of living expenses and pay for my clinical registration license so that I can provide a better life for the kids. I am 500 hours away from taking my Behavioral Board Exam for an MFT license; so close to regaining my independence, but so far away.

I ask that you pray that God will touch the hearts of those I have dared to ask for help and know that your prayers will not be in vain. I am going to make it! I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor that refuses to allow my past to keep me from a better future for my kids and me! Feel free to share my story. Staying in abusive relationships hinders your ability to soar to your full potential. Never forget that there is an eagle that lives inside of you, rise to your potential. Be encouraged!

Think about it. Our future is more significant than our past! - Chalon

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