I am really scared.

by Isabel

I have been married for 10 years, this is my 2nd marriage. I am 43 years old. I have 2 kids with my first husband, but none with my current husband. I do not have any other family except my 2 kids. No friends, like good friends, just work friends.

When I met my husband, he was getting divorce, we became good friends and I saw him as a wonderful person. He moved in with me because he had no family and my home was pretty big.

He convinced me that to have an open and honest relationship we need to talk about our past. He wanted to know everything about me, my past relationship etc. I felt uncomfortable, but he explained that he wanted a better marriage than before, so stupid me, opened up. Not that I had much to tell, I was a nerd in school, and if I had dated 7 men by the age of 34 that was to much. Anyways, I told him all. He kept record!

Like every sick and abusive relationship, we had arguments and fights, but it was always my fault. I always did something to disrespect him, to hurt him. He never did anything wrong. The fight would go on for hours, him yelling and telling me things, comparing me to others, bring my past up, you name it, he said it. I would be crying and asking for forgiveness. Not until he was satisfied that I was hurting so bad, much more that what my action or words cause him, he would not stop.

He would always tell me to be honest with him and tell him the truth, I believed it. What a mistake, if I explained what I did not like about the relationship, it became a big fight. My fault, how can I say something about him. He acted like that because of my attitude, because I am hard headed, because I am selfish. I became very scared and nervous to say or comment about anything.

This has increased through the years.

At the beginning I would argue back, but the fights would last for 2 to 3 days. He told me that I was not cooperative and in every fight it was always my fault. He said that the fights lasted so long because I did not acknowledge my mistake right away. SO I learned! Every time we had a fight I would ask for forgiveness right away and admit "I was stupid, inconsiderate, to do or say what I did, to please forgive me that it would not happen again." BUT that was to easy, he was not satisfied. I would still keep my mouth shut, he would not stop arguing. I still did not fight back, I became very scared of him.

I am very scared. He frightens me. Every time I make a mistake, he tells me I do it on purpose because I am very smart and I am just calculating. I hate him so much, but I am so scared you do not understand. He is very angry all the time and is very full of hate.

I just recently was able to get a better job. The bad side is that sometimes I have to travel for 4 days out of the state with a team, but I keep to my self. That is how I am able to write this.

Last night a girlfriend ask me go to dinner, she also told me that her guy friend was going, if I could accompany them. We are at another state, it was 5pm dinner. I called my husband and told him, but did not mentioned the guy friend. Why? I don't know, I forgot, I was scared, I don't know. But he found out because stupid me mentioned it by mistake. Why did I not say something before, why did it slip my mouth.

Oh, my god. He would not stop. He said so many things, so many hurtful things, 2 days texting. So many bad things. Kill yourself, jump from the building no one will miss you, you are a f*cking bi*ch, lier, dog, you are an old woman that is someone would ask for a blow job you would do it.... I have spent years telling you not to lie, to tell me the truth, but you don't learn, but don't worry tomorrow you will be here, and you better tell me the truth because I will be kicking your ass until Indians come out. You are going to learn to respect me. Who the f*ck you think you are? I do not care about cops or the news, but I will screw your life f*cking b*tch.

I wanted to tell him that is over, but I am just so frightened, you do not understand. Tomorrow I take the plane home. I want to just disappear.

Comments for I am really scared.

Click here to add your own comments

You do not deserve to be treated like this
by: Ima Freegirl

You can survive. You can be free. You can have a good life.
You must choose in your heart whether to take the steps necessary to end this relationship.
If so - you will FIRST need a safe plan.
Do you have anyone physically near you that you can talk to? A friend, family member? Health professional? If not - contact a shelter or DV hotline.
SOMEONE needs to know your current situation.
Leaving an abuser is necessary because the abuse will not just stop.
Leaving an abuser is dangerous - so you need help and a plan.
I have been through a situation similar to yours. I thoroughly documented the abuse. I took photos, I wrote down on a calendar (kept in a VERY safe location) every incidence of abuse in as much detail as I could. I also audio recorded his tirades, and even videotaped situations. CAREFUL however - check the laws in your state to make sure it is legal to audio/video record a person without their knowledge/consent. I was fortunate to live in a state that allowed me to legally audio/video record anything or anyone without consent in my own home.
Once you have evidence, then pack a bag and as much cash as you can.
I started packing months in advance; told him I was clearing out the clutter. I packed precious and sentimental items and put them in a storage unit. I rented an apartment (even though we owned our home together) and one weekend while he was out of town - I moved what I could and left.
He did find me. But by then I had taken my evidence to the police.
I did get a restraining order - and no, it doesn't do any good until after it is violated, but at least I had started the process.
If you are the sole owner of your home - you will have to go to the police first. Have them help you - have him charged and evicted. If you are lucky - he will go to jail. If not, prepare to be stalked and harassed by him.
You are alive, and you can thrive.
Email if you want to talk... imafreegirl2@gmail.com

It will be ok
by: Jo

I bet you are scared.I agree you need a plan.it is really important that you seek some support to help you get through this as leaving is the most dangerous time.. but you can do it!! It's important not to panic but to carefully sort your escape plan. I urge you to contact someone to help with this.
Good luck x I have been where you are and I promise you that it seems overwhelming but you can do it.

by: sandeesandlz98

hi Isabel; your story made me cry for you, and sounds alot like my hell. wish you the best and be safe soon. i have no one to help

Plan to escape.
by: John Fahey

Please start now to plan your escape from this relationship. This man sounds so much like my father was it chills me. Recognise you are dealing with a very sick man. Get into your mind that he is enjoying inflicting this abuse on you. He will not change. Get legal help and counselling to rebuild your self esteem. I know it will be tough for you but do it. You deserve a better life.

Here to help
by: Catherine

Hello, I am 43 also. We been through hellacious horrific Domestic & Sexual Violence to extremes for several years. Been through system in aftermath. So I know exactly what your going through. Friend me on Facebook you can message me anytime. Happy to be support & ear!!!

God Bless,

Catherine Eisenhart

Click here to add your own comments