Living in Hell

by Stacey
(Lincoln, Ne)

I have been dealing with domestic violence for a very long time. I have been stabbed, raped, brutalized, peed on, jaw broken, and had my kids taken by private lawyers. I have a disability (ptsd) and have been epc'D on more than one occasion because my ex thinks it's funny. I have moved so many times I have lost count. I have failed community college twice because the pure thought of my children any bit of what I have endured makes me sickened to the depths of my core. I have been gang raped on more than one occasion. Had my brake lines cut at least 4 times. Had my car up on cynider blocks with my tires and rims taken off of my car. I have been drugged so bad and woken up on the sidewalk. Had a blow torch taken to my wheel tire stud bolts so my cat almost flew off of my car. I have been jumped quite a few times. I have reached out for help and been told by a judge that they didn't want to get involved. I had to defend myself at a trial only to be told that my witnesses were not allowed to testify even with a subpoena. I was also not allowed to present evidence. My address was changed (not by me) at the courthouse and no one bats an eye. I have had my medical records changed and altered. Hell, someone stole my Doctors laptop just to get my patient information. There is a lot more that has happened and is currently happening. I refuse to give up but wish and pray that someone would just take 5 minutes of there time to just check into my story. Please help my kids come back home and right my wrongs.

Comments for Living in Hell

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Make a plan
by: Anonymous

So many terrible things have happened to you that I'm certain it's extremely overwhelming and difficult to think straight. As you've said, even staying in college has seemed hard because your mind is worried about your children and your own safety. Although difficult, try to not become frantic and scatter brained so that you can think more clearly. It will help you seek resources and develop a plan that involves taking care of yourself and your needs first. You may need help processing and working through the trauma from this abuse. If you can't afford professional counseling, attend domestic violence support groups for as long as you can, as miracles for healing don't happen over night. Feeling your emotions both good and bad is very important for healing as well as talking it out in a space where there is no judgement or criticism. Be patient with this part, though, as it takes a long time to overcome and heal, even years sometimes. Think of this mess as an opportunity for learning about yourself and personal growth rather than the terrible hardship it has been. As difficult as it may be, we must put the positive during these situations so we don't drive ourselves crazy and to avoid blaming ourselves. Nothing that has happened to you is your fault. Please remember that. We don't know, what we don't know, even when bad things are happening. It almost sounds like you live in a small town where people can easily access important things such as your medical records, even if they're stolen. Or, perhaps your ex is financially well off and can afford to get people to do his dirty work. Talk with Domestic Violence services about your children, if you haven't already. Maybe they can suggest something to help you get them back. If you don't have much money, perhaps they can suggest attorney services that doesn't cost much or can provide legal services at no cost. Search online for domestic violence coalitions or foundations who support battered women. They can probably provide other resources to help you. I wish I knew of some real resources to provide you, but unfortunately I don't. Easier said than done, but remain strong, and keep your chin up. If you've made it this far, then it means that you are meant to live, and you're meant to fight for your safety and the safety of your children, as well as regaining them back with you. Your still alive for a reason. Don't let your inner light turn off. Keep pushing forward even when it feels tough.
We are here
by: Anonymous

Idk how to help you but just know that there are people out there to help. Try has hard as you can to get thru college. Maybe find help at a church

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