Love Was My Evil

by Elizabeth
(Tennessee)

I was 15 years old. (And you know how you are as a young girl trying to find love) And I met what I thought was the love of my life online. He was charming, and he had a lot in common with me. I started going to his house every day. I was madly in love. (or so I thought at the time) I became pregnant with his child after three months of dating. I assumed my parents were terrible people. They did not approve of me keeping this baby I mean I was 15, so I leaned on my boyfriend for the support I needed as a pregnant teen all alone.

There was so much drama after we had the baby. He slapped me in the hospital room just the day after giving birth by cesarean. I didn't think anything of it. I was 16. I just got pissed. Well eventually time flew by, and I was 18. I moved out two hours before the clock struck midnight of my 18th birthday to go live with my "prince charming" and be a happy family with our 2-year-old son. We got a place to ourselves, and we started to argue. Nothing too dangerous I guess, but they escalated. I just turned 19, and I became pregnant with our second son. The abuse mellowed out during this time. Our life was happy again. Our son arrived, and joy spread through our lives. Then four months later I unexpectedly got pregnant again. Things became dark after this. Our love life declined. I was always getting yelled at about how we could not afford this child. We moved once again into a trailer my parents had brought us. Then things started to decline.

My fiance then began to do prescription pain medication. His addiction wasn't bad, and I overlooked it because I assumed it was for his back pain because he has severe scoliosis and no insurance to go to a doctor. Our son was born July 3rd, 2014. The love was completely gone to him. He began to ignore me. Complain about how I was in bed. How I need to do sexual favors better. He complained about my weight the way I looked everything. His addiction worsened horribly within a year. He began to beat me every day brutally. At this point, I want to die. I ran away twice. The first time to his mother's house. He found me and the second time to a woman's shelter. I was safe there, but he managed to text my phone and convince me of leaving. When I came back, the beatings were so bad I could not even function. I had black eyes a swollen face I was kicked, knocked down, and punched. He threw tables at me and pulled a gun on me. At this point, I'm wondering if I'm going to see tomorrow. I had a good friend at my work whom I discussed this with a lot he was afraid of what to tell me to do. I began romantically talking to him online in secret. I liked him, and he appreciated me, and I was getting quite tired of getting beaten. I figured if I can not be happy and I'm going to get my life threatened it was time to stand up for myself.

One day he took it too far. He picked me up from my sister's house where I had to stay one night because he locked me out of my house. He punched me so much to where I was bleeding all over my face, and I was severely bruised. He left for work, and I'm sitting at home counting down the minutes for him to come back and finish me off. I texted the man whom I worked with and was romantically speaking with and asked him what I should do. There was no reply he was working. The time was ticking faster. And I built up all the courage in me to dial 911. The police arrived, and I showed them what he had done to me. Very shortly after, he pulled up. The police arrested him on the spot. He begged and pleaded me, and I told him bye is all I could say to him. It turns out the man whom I was speaking with at this time got my message and rushed to get me afterward and take me to a safe place as the police advised me.

We began dating after this, and now he is my whole world. Our relationship is an example how love should feel. He treats me with the utmost respect and loves me so dearly, And I realized that what I thought was love for seven years was not love. It was a routine that I was too afraid to break. I now feel empowered to tell women of my experience because I know they can let go too. My abuser still gets visitation of the children when he returns from jail but I got an order of protection, and he is not allowed to contact me. Or come near me. But overall my life is 100% better, and I no longer fear for my life, and I don't have to walk on thin ice every day. And that feeling is very amazing to me that I am finally free from the prison I lived.