My Domestic Violence Story

by Christina solomon
(Denver, Colorado)

Just done fighting again.

Just done fighting again.

I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 17 years old, still in high school. When I met him for the first time it was nothing but butterflies and constant giggles. It was like that for the first week. Then that same week he made fun of my freckles and said some other hurtful things that any normal person would've thought was plain rude. I cried for my first time that day because my feelings were hurt. He then said he was just joking and didn't think I would get so upset about that.

For the next several months I was all about him and nothing but him. When I graduated high school 5 months later, I moved in with him and his mother. He had then told me he had a 2 year old son. This wasn't a big deal to me at first being young and immature. But then it started to really weigh on me, he was still seeing his son's mother and kissing her on the cheek when she was sad as they exchanged their son on the weekends. It hurt because I now knew that I would never experience that with him. I would never experience that first pregnancy and first child experience with him.

I eventually told him my thoughts and he promised me that it was going to be even better with me if we ever got to that point because he wasn't there for his girlfriend's last pregnancy when he was 17, so it'll all be new to him as well. I believed him and grew closer to his son. I still had a gap of feelings towards the both of them. Not because I didn't love either of them but because I just knew in the back of my heart it was not gonna be how he described.

I finally started working at a good mortgage company at just 18, and he was still deciding if he wanted to be in navy or leave the navy. He never went to his drills, and they eventually kicked him out of the military. Our relationship was really rocky. He never wanted me on my phone or on Facebook, or he would make me severely nervous if I were to call them because then he would interrogate me about our conversations. Even with my own sisters and mother! I just turned the cheek and saw it as him being caring.

He would constantly wanted sex from me, and, though I was reluctant, I did it to make him happy. I eventually ended up getting pregnant, and he had a totally different reaction than he said he was going to have. He was contemplating an abortion, and I wanted to have the baby. So he stood by my decision, even though I could tell he wasn't all in.

I was sick from time in the morning to the time I went to bed. He eventually got pissed at me because he didn't believe I needed to puke all the time, and it irritated him, even when in public. I was hurt by that. I started talking to my family and told them about Adian.

Well, while pregnant I went through his phone at night as he did to mine constantly. I ended up finding him talking sexually with women on Facebook. While I was pregnant, I was in disbelief and totally heartbroken. He and I got in a fight about it, and then he hit me for my first time while I was pregnant. He wouldn't let me leave after our fights and would guard the door and would eventually make me forgive him again. He hit me multiple times, not punches but smacks, pulling my hair, choking and wrestling. I ended up having an abortion because I was constantly sick and losing lots of weight, but I also didn't want my child to have that type of father.

He admitted to hitting his son's mother before as well. I thought I could change him and thought it was only a one time type of thing.

Time progressed and I left him and moved back to my hometown with my family. He eventually came up to live in my town, and I got back with him. We got an apartment together, and it was nothing but a living hell. He was depressed and never went to work. All his debts were never paid back. I was getting fed up and started to stand up for myself. The cops were called several times to our apartment. He would wrestle me down to the ground, smack me in my face and one time he even punched me. It gave me a black eye. He apologized, and once again I forgave him.

I started at a new job and knew that I didn't want to have his stress and debt all on me. So, I decided to leave and pack up my things while he was at work one day. He apologized and moved to California because he insisted it was the depression doing it to him from being kicked out of the navy. I stood by him and visited him a few times in California. The first trip was okay, and the rest were nothing but fights. It's like we could never enjoy our time together.

Then, recently we had been out drinking, and I had enough of him fighting and flirting 24/7. This is the day he punched me twice in my head. And, I went insane. I wanted to fight him. I wanted to physically hurt him like he has done to me from day one. But again, I forgave him and even lent him money to get his life back on track after he moved back. He then decided to cheat on me with a couple of girls and he held money against me. He would say that he wasn't going to pay me back the $3000 blah blah. I decided to try one last time because I felt that I have hurt him too before. And we tried to work on it. But it comes down to him turning the fights around to me and its my fault and I should be this type of girl and he wouldn't act this way. He would constantly call me psycho and belittle me. The lowest blows you could ever think to tell someone he would tell me. And I would fight back because I was so hurt deep inside.

The day I decided enough it was enough, 3 years of my life had passed and now I am suffering day to day with the aftermath. I feel ugly. I feel fat. I feel that no one wants me. I feel I need to prove myself to my friends in order to keep them. I have lost a lot of my friends and family because I closed them off and never listened to them after 3 years of abuse.

So now TODAY IS THE DAY that I am going to start living for myself and turn my life upside down.

Comments for My Domestic Violence Story

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Keep moving forward
by: MaryAnn

I am glad to know you have gotten out of an abusive relationship. You've had jobs and have access to your own money so I hope you hold onto that. I also hope reconnecting with friends and family brings a positive energy to your life. Unfortunately one of the damaging effects abusers have is causing a divide between you and the people who make you feel good about yourself. You seem strong, and I hope you keep moving in a direction that seems very positive.

You have what it takes
by: Anonymous

I believe you already have what it takes to get your life where you want. You seem smart and are strong to have made it to this point. Stay true to yourself. I hope you can reconnect to some loving relationships you had earlier.

your special
by: rainonme

thank you for telling some of your life story. i pray that your soul mate will come to you now. now that you have been clearing your past life relationship that carried over into this life for unfinished business. all those years ahead of you are filled with the love of your life.. a genuine real man .. the real deal. and you will truly love this new man who will take care of you and grow old together. this man i see has a bit of a weight problem. but he is a big loving teddy bear, who has a big family. they except you as part of their family. big family get-togethers,around food and the love of being together. the mothers become close over time.

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