My Ex husband had always been very controlling and manipulative. I always gave in and at times tried to speak up, it was bearable before having children.
After the birth of my second son, my ex-husband started growing cannabis. Over a period of 18 months he would consume it regularly via a vaporiser, so we would not get stoned. However he always tried to encourage me to have some. As he saw it as natural and believed it was Gods herb. I was never really interested as it always made me sleepy and with two young children I couldn't afford to be feeling this way when I needed to be awake for night time feeds.
When my Youngest was 2yrs old, he took off his nappy and smeared poo over the cot, as young children do. While I was bathing him my Ex went to clean the cot, he found it difficult to remove with vinegar and a cloth. He became angry and came into the bathroom where he smacked my son on the bum, shook him and yelled at him. I was holding on to my son and could feel the force behind a 6ft man hitting a small child. I remember thinking don't let go as his head could hit the tap.
I asked him to leave, and he left and went for a walk. When my Ex came back he was still angry with my son. I didn't want my son to ever feel he was to blame. I finally calmed my Ex down and he took the boys out. When they got back everything seemed fine. My Ex made a comment that "he and my son made up", which I found very strange, as it appeared he believed it was justified.
Two nights later when my son was in the bath my Ex began to yell at him. I could tell from my son's cry he thought he would be hit again. I ran upstairs and stopped my Ex who angrily yelled at me. I was crying and said to my son "don't worry mummy will take you away from here."
The next day I left and let childcare centre know what happened. They took photos of the bruises on my son's bum and reported it to the police.
My Ex didn't see my kids for a month however he could have gone to the childcare centre anytime to pick them up and they wouldn't have been able to stop him.
My Ex went to trial in the Criminal Court. I attended that day. As it was a first offence, he got access even thou I requested it to be supervised. The judge said to me I was causing my Ex psychological damage by taking away the children. I replied "My Ex thought it was justified what he did and that he could've picked up the boys anytime from the centre and would not have been stopped". The judge replied "that it was definitely not justified".
I felt overwhelmed and defeated. Over time I learnt if I had gone to the Family Court he would most likely have no access to my boy.
Its been almost 3yrs now. He has my boys 3 nights a week and hasn't physically hurt them again. He was advised by lawyers to deny everything when talking to me. I've confronted him serval times about taking cannabis which he denies.
I did see a positive change in him for about 18 months. He would communicate well with me, and we could speak positively about the boys.
In the last 5 months Ive seen a big change. He is no longer respectful towards me and has become very demanding. I have found out he is seeing someone. Which I am happy about. I believe from the change in his behavior he is smoking cannabis again.
Im now a much stronger and wiser. Ive had my battles with finding love again but have found peace in God. I believe God is guiding me and giving me the strength and Grace. I need to move forward.
Thank you for the opportunity to share my story.
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