still here

by jo
(small country )

I am still here and very sad, but still alive. Yes I'm in a violent relationsip right now, and I'm stuck in a different country living with HIM. I want to stay, but not with him! The woman's aid is outside my front!

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for 5 years. From the start it was good then slowly got worse, mostly when he's drinking, but he also mentally abuses me on a daily basis.
He picks and picks at my head every day in some way, and it's only in the last year I've noticed how I've changed, from being a bubbly, always having a laugh, seeing my friends for nights out,
to being alone with no friends.

I don't go out now or drink alcohol ,very rarely now do I drink, I know I need help, but how do I when I live in a very small country.

I don't have any family as they have all died. Lost 7 members of my family in 2 yrs. I only have a little sister, and she can't help me because she has had a lot deal with in her short life.

It happens to me nearly every week now. I'm so depressed, confused and angry at myself for not leaving him. It's just going to get worse, and I've thought about killing HIM, I'm so scared.

I just want a quiet normal life where I can go for lovely walks. I will find the courage to leave.... I will ... I will one day.

Click here to post comments

Most Recent Domestic Violence Stories and Posts

  1. Why I never told...

    Dec 07, 18 06:07 PM

    I never told because the first time he put his hands around my neck, I was in shock and afraid. Sure he had gotten in my face and screamed at me, but he

  2. Lashae Losing Battle - Still at War

    Dec 05, 18 09:13 PM

    It's been 15 years. We were teenagers. The first time was three months into our relationship. I was only 17 years old and did not know how to react to

  3. Constant Abuse

    Dec 05, 18 08:43 PM

    I'm 39yrs old. My abuse started when I was about five years old by my mom and dad. They would get into terrible arguments, and I would run and hide. I