Two years ago I was the survivor (some of you prefer victim), ending 13 years of abuse! My daughter's father and husband abused me!
So we will start at the beginning!
I had known my husband since I was ten years old. We will name him Pratt 2. I was in a previous relationship at the time I was friends with Pratt 2 with the father of my first child. Pratt 1 we will name him! So I will tell a little about Pratt 1.
Pratt 1 subjected me to 3 years of abuse, sexual, physical and mental. I cant even begin to explain these situations. I felt this was a relationship I would never escape. He was cruel on a whole new level. We had bought a home together and had our daughter. He had no interest in our child and instead was having "relationships" with my friends. My parents had decided that being around the pair of us was too difficult so had subsequently stopped visiting the majority of the time. I was 19. I felt as though I had lost all support. Then as though by some crazy turn of fate it happened. I stood in A&E He had been hit by a truck! At first, I was terrified. I thought he might be dying. Then the tears stopped,my next thought process WAS I FREE?? At this terrible second that was what I figured! How horrible had i become.
He has multiple injuries, and what happened? I became his caretaker! Yes, that's what happened. He was a million times worse than before the accident. The abuse continued and lasted six months! I gained six stone in weight now a size 22, became agoraphobic and lost the will to do or see anyone.I knew I was at the point of giving up! I was left alone in the evenings while my daughter slept for few hours while his antics started with my best friends.
I began to make a plan, but I snapped. Pratt 1 tried locking me in the bedroom one morning screaming and shouting, and I grabbed a glass bowl! I threw it in his direction, and it went through the wall! I was mortified at myself.
Then it happened. He took my daughter! He took her, and his family hid her away from me claiming I had lost the plot. I was in hell!! So I attempted to hang myself in a forest! Obviously it didn't work and I headed to my sisters covered in rope burns in a mental panic I rang the police! I didn't know what to do. They came and arrested me!I spoke to the Counselor who sent me away with my mother. I didn't need to be there,they said i was mentally beaten and needed the love of my family not to be locked away and punished. It was the first time someone had looked at me and acknowledged me as a struggling survivor.
I spent months recovering and still never told my parents what had been going on. I was abused since I was 18 and finally left when I was 21.
He continued to fight me in court for access, five times and each time he failed to appear! I went each time; then enough was enough, I refused to help! his then partner turned up at my house in tears saying he was beating her in front of my daughter! He never made another attempt to see her; I told the police everything. To my absolute horror, the police dropped the case. The paperwork had got all confused, and my name wasn't even on there it had all been done in his current partner's name! She dropped charges.I never saw Pratt 1 again from this point which was eight years ago.
Pratt 2 (the husband) Everything was fantastic for four years!! My daughter saw him as a dad.Then his father died of cancer; this sent the world into a spin, his mum attempted suicide and went off the rails blaming him. He became depressed and slowly became horrible. He would take everything out on me, with what I had been through this was child's play. I found out I was pregnant, and, as a result, we decided to get married and work to help him get better about being abusive. Our son was born in sept 2010, and we were married in Feb 2012 even then I was having second thoughts as I knew something wasn't 100% right. I broke down one evening with my mum. I told her everything about all the years of abuse! Then I had to tell my husband. Then my world fell apart, he had a series of heart attacks and was critical in the hospital for weeks. I felt like history was repeating! I again became a carer!
He became possessive; I had caught him cheating on me on-line. I had to go back to work, back to college.I got a real good job as a transport manager and finally my confidence started to change.i started loosing weight and making friends. Something I involved him in from the outset! He began going out, parties and my friend's events but left me at home with the children. He would call me all types of horrible things. Told me I was becoming ugly due to losing weight. Would photograph me as I was getting changed. IT WAS HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!
Pratt 2 abused me in my sleep. I had found videos all over his phone. He had been checking my phone reading and deleting messages of my friends. So I checked his.i was scared of what he was doing. His response well if he wasn't getting what he wanted he would find another way.I couldn't sleep!This went on for months. He promised me it had stopped and i thought it had i was no longer being woken up! (or so I figured) He then decided to get help anger management. Then in august 2014 he snapped! i was in the bathroom taking to my mum on the phone. He grabbed it and smashed and ripped it apart with his hands! He battered me in the bathroom, then dragged me through the house in front of my children!! They screamed and cried at the back door.I tried everything, i banged on the walls and screamed.This time i was going to fight back.I mean this guy was 22 stone and 6 foot 10 inches.It was a battle. I ran out of the house for help, but my kids were still trapped! The police were on their way to back up.He escaped and started banging on the neighbors windows screaming at me to get out! I was in agony covered in bruises.I was taken to the hospital and scanned; my parent arrived as soon as they heard. i was bleeding from my kidneys! I was in agony. But i was so ashamed it had happened again that the next day i went back to work in the hope no one would notice! That i could carry on as normal. That was my problem! i just kept carrying on!So i stopped! I filed for a restraining order But it didn't stop him, he was having people spy on me,notes on cars, ringing my friends, hacking Facebook messaging everyone i knew.
I took him to court for assault & harassment! They asked me questions, and one being; Have you been sexually abused? I didn't want to talk about it. So he pleaded guilty to assault and criminal damage. HE GOT NOTHING! Two months of rehab in a domestic violence counseling group. I felt cheated! I'd fought for months!
Then I received word he was filing an injunction for a laptop. I was shocked he was not filing an action to see his kids. I froze! I instantly knew why! Videos! He hadn't stopped in my sleep. I looked through the computer and there they were! I ran to the police and handed in the computer in tears!! The police video interviewed me! Then I waited. I felt like I was about to have a breakdown.The results came back this had now been deemed too high profile for the court, so I was ordered to attend seven days in high court. They had found other things on his home computer where he was now staying. But the police wouldn't tell me what! I was in a mental torture battle! I couldn't eat couldn't sleep. I was a single mum with a full-time job with two children in school. Then three days before my 30th birthday, it was court time. There we were in the room where Hindley and Brady were convicted! It felt too surreal.
I spent five days grilled by barristers, who insinuated I was an attention seeker trying to tarnish my husband reputation. I'm not going to lie. This process almost broke me! Then they told me I had to wait until April! I LOST! and why because they couldn't see if I was properly asleep on the videos! You could tell I was asleep or drugged! The police said one defining thing to me. I was one of the most credible witnesses they had seen, and my composure throughout was admirable. I felt a mess! But I stood my ground. NOT GUILTY DOES NOT MEAN HE IS NOT GUILTY! It only says the jury - nonprofessionals decided that day that they couldn't be 100% sure.
But then the unbelievable happened. The police thanked me. I had no idea why then the law told me that because I handed that laptop in they raided his home and took his phone. The phone turned out to contain images he had MADE of children. He was a sex offender!! I had no idea! They said I protected people against who knows what.
The Court tried his case at the same time in high court. So I may have lost on a personal level. But I found a Pedophile! My kids are now safe along with every other child! My kids have been devastated by the situation. But I'm their mother, and I will fix this. They hated me thinking I sent their dad away but they will understand when they are older, and for now I will take that blow.
In April I broke. I had a nervous breakdown after finding out I had married a sex offender. I had to leave my job. But he now has five years on the sex offenders reg and three years on a public safety order. I would do this in court a million times over because although I lost! I won! I'm a survivor!! not a victim! I finally stood up for myself, and that changed my life!!
I took control of me! I will never let anyone do this to me again! I stopped, took the time for my kids and me and started again!!
I started my own business, begun to draw and paint again, and write. I qualified in hypnotherapy and botany. I got fit. I'm confident. I'm a woman people admire not feel sorry for!! I'm trying to get divorced, and I'm now fighting once again as he has applied for access!!! I will fight until I die to protect my kids and me!!
DON'T EVER GIVE UP, DON'T EVER STOP FIGHTING.
THE PAIN AND TORMENT ARE TEMPORARY!
THE LIFE CHANGE IS PERMANENT!
I'M A SURVIVOR ARE YOU???