Trying to Survive in Minnesota


(Minnesota)

I filed for divorce 7 years ago, to get my boys and I away from abusive environment around my now ex. Being an at-home mom I didn't know how to get a divorce without $$$$$. Legal Aid never helped me.

My ex hit me when I was pregnant and went to jail, but got out. My children continue to get shoved, yelled at, and being told negative remarks about me. I have documented over 4 pages plus of missed medication for my son. They can't focus in school.... We have tried to prove to the court the "PATTERN OF ABUSE", but court just ignores it. The last girlfriend/victim even witnessed my children getting yelled at, and her getting hurt and negative comments made by him, but no one holds my ex accountable.

I have tried for over 7 years to get an OFP but was never successful despite adequate evidence. We continue to be told by court "NOT SEVERE ENOUGH." The County keeps screening reports out as "NOT SEVERE ENOUGH", despite state statutes warranting getting an OFP. We have "Child Abuse Prevention Month" in April, and "Domestic Violence Awareness Month" in October, but who follows through with helping the victims? Why are we always told "NOT SEVERE ENOUGH"? The system CONTINUES to fail us because they haven't gone through what we do.

I constantly work with DV advocates and counselors, and even they are getting frustrated. When is the system ever going to LISTEN to the victims and people who work closely with them? Funny how they make it sound so easy to get protection from the abuser, but its not, especially when you have children. The excuse is "he's the dad, so you can't take them away from him.... can't do anything until they're 18...." Excuses, excuses. My boys' young lives have been so screwed up because of being FORCED to go to their abusive father's, that continues his saga.

Because of being on welfare, I will be having to pay off an attorney for many years to come, because the judge "DOESN'T GET IT". I still don't understand how he can allow my ex MORE TIME with my boys', despite our professionals saying NOT IN BOYS' BEST INTEREST, and ALL that was brought up in his psychological evaluation (narcissistic, sociopath, master manipulator, ABUSER, etc.) HELLO. Judges need to live in the shoes of the victims to see what we have to deal with every day.

Remember the "Power and Control Wheel"? Everything on it is what my ex is doing, and all that a narcissist is, is what he is doing, and we get NO HELP. Someone better rewrite the "Pledge of Allegance", because there is no "JUSTICE FOR ALL", and the "Star Spangled Banner,....Land of FREE...." DON'T THINK SO, not when the system controls your life.

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