When is Enough, Enough?
I dated this guy many times. Started the freshman year and was on and off throughout the senior year of high school. He decided to come back into my life my freshman year of college, and, being naive, I believed he changed. Things were good at first and then as sudden as hitting a brick wall it changed. He was no longer the sweet guy showing up at my dorm with brownies and roses. He became a monster. The relationship abuse started little and became big.
In the beginning, I had to be in my dorm by a specific time, and I wasn't allowed to have guy friends in my room. His control directed me to leave my sorority I was rushing. Then, he established that I didn't need to cheer anymore because I had to spend more time with him. That "time with him" ended up being me home alone, and him with his friends. Once my not having any friends and never doing anything was no longer enough, he began to get worse. He started calling me all the names you could think of: slut, whore, bitch, etc. I had no one, so I took it. Once the level of control and name calling no longer satisfied his abusive nature, and those tears of mine were no longer satisfying, he got worse. The name calling continued along with additional physical acts of spitting in my face or kicking me out in the cold. Next, his abuse led to holding me down to scream in my face so I "heard everything he had to say." Later it turned to grabbing me so hard or biting me so hard it would leave bruises. Being alone, I took it.
Erroneously, I felt deep down he didn't mean it, and he loved me. I make excuses like "he's technically not hitting me, it's just a bite." And even though I know it's all not okay, I still find myself texting him back, driving to see him. I find myself forgiving when I should just walk away for good.
I just want this to be a message for girls out there not to follow my example because I'm still not making the right choices. Instead, my case is something for others to see and try to understand that partner abuse is not correct. Emotional control and physical violence are still abuse despite my failure to act. People deserve better than to stay in an abusive relationship with anyone. I'll get brave enough one day to leave; just I'm not sure when.