I call him my first love because I grew up having a crush on him. Our families were very close. After years of searching for love and his failed marriage, we began dating. I couldn't believe how much we had in common.
The first time he hurt me was six weeks into the relationship. I caught him talking to other women, so I confronted him about it. He grabbed me by my throat and slammed me to the ground and began choking me. Of course, he was sorry. I allowed him to move in with me and terrorize me. He was verbally abusive as well. I was a slut a bitch and ungrateful. Somehow I believed it was my fault. If we would go to bars and I knew a guy I would pray the guy wouldn't speak to me because I knew I would have hell to pay when we got home. He would spit in my face in public if he felt I disrespected him.
One morning he woke up in a rampage. Throwing all of my clothes off the balcony. Filled cups of hot water and threw the water on me. Choking, slapping, spitting, and ripped my clothes off. Then picked me up and hung me over the balcony. I begged and pleaded for him to put me did. When he did, I ran to the bathroom locked myself in and called 911. He kicked the door down and hung up on the operator. When the police came, they arrested him.
I took him back. These are just a few of many stories. I could go on and on, write a book about the craziness. I'm writing because I grew up as the girl that had both parents who remain in a healthy marriage. I have a great career. I grew up being able to date any guy I ever wanted and am always being told how beautiful I am and I can have any guy I want. So why did I think this treatment was ok for the past three years of my life?
If you know someone who is dealing with this, please listen and encourage them. Don't give up on the victim. If I didn't have the love and support from family and friends, I would be desperate to stay with him.
I now know that no love no contact with him is better than living a life of fear.
The connection one has with an abusive partner is not love, and they can not love you because they do not love themselves. They will abuse the next woman as well so don't believe the lie that tells you they will treat the other person the way you wish they would treat you.
I decided after all of the nights of running for my life that I want to keep running, far, far from him for good.
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