I Told Nobody, Pt 2

Continued from "I Told Nobody - Part 1"

Things went good for a few more months. We hung out a lot more and spoke a lot more. We spoke about what happened and he said he was sorry. I went over there one day to talk to him. I wanted to let him know in person that he had to take things slow. That I really did love him but I'm not ready for anything that serious. He told me that I was beautiful, and as hard as it would be he would do this for me. He said he loved me and that I meant the world to him. That I listen and truly care and he appreciates that. We watched some TV and then put on a movie. He held my hand, even asked if he could kiss me (that was a first) and I said sure. We kissed and then I got up. He got up and asked where I was going. Nowhere far... We were having fun he said. Yeah.... I'll be right back. You want us to have fun. Well I'll be right back.... He grabbed me. I couldn't believe he grabbed me again. He pulled me close to him. He kissed me. It was this kiss that was so passionate that I got lost. I pulled away and said I'd be right back. You don't love me do you? The question came out of no where when I got back into the living room. I do a lot for you. Drive you places. Pick you up. Drop you off. Go to you more than you come to me. You should be grateful. I was shocked. I didn't even say anything to him. I told him I should leave. I felt his hand grasp my wrist. He twisted it, then twisted me, pulling my arm so hard. I got pulled against him. I knew I shouldn't have come over here--it's not the first time--- I am so stupid--- I thought to myself. He kissed me and I kissed him back. All I heard him say was see, wasn't bad. He pushed me backwards, twice. The first time got me through the door to his room and the second got me stumbling backwards to the bed. He held my shoulders, rubbed my arms and had his hands loosely around my wrists. I wanted to leave so I tried. I grimaced as he twisted my wrist. We had sex that day. And I continued to wear the brace on my wrist with a sweater covering it like I had the other times as well.

When I left that day, I felt broken. Even more so than I had felt before. I should have never gone there. I should have never believed he was sorry. I should have never loved him. Did I even truly love him or was I just pretending? I had numerous messages, again him saying he was sorry. Though he was sorry for hurting me and saying all those things he never meant to say. He said the sex was good, he wasn't sorry for not listening when I said I didn't want to. I lost control. My life was suddenly on auto pilot. I didn't care. I became extremely depressed and felt like nobody would miss me if I died. I couldn't believe someone could do that to another person. But I told nobody. Nobody knew then. Nobody knows now.

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