What Should I Do?
Wanted to share my life story somewhere and wanted to know if what I'm feeling is valid or not.
I got married in 2008, and I belong to an Asian country. I came to the USA after marriage, and I currently have two kids ages 7 and 6. The first year of my marriage was peaceful, and my husband and I had a good time. I had finished a master in computer science and was working as an IT person before I got married. I left my career and my family and my country and started living as a housewife. After the birth of my first son, my husband decided that he would sleep in a different room because the babies' waking up bothered him. Then, I became pregnant with my second child.
My husband would go to the office and come back home and go to his room and watch movies, and I would be dealing with my son while I was pregnant. In my first three years in the USA, I was not allowed to buy stuff for myself, not even a single purse. He gave me money for groceries, and that's it. I kept on living like this and thought maybe all marriages are like this. We did not communicate at all or spend any time together at all. There were no words exchanged at all. The only time he came to me was when he wanted to have sex, and since it was my religious belief not to say no, I never said no. We didn't talk even then.
In 2012 my dad passed away, and it was a very tough time for my family and me back home. I went to visit them and resolve some family matters. During my entire visit, my husband did not talk to me at all. In 2014 I fractured my foot, and he kept on saying that there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just faking it. My friend called and insisted, and then I went to an orthopedist who gave me a boot and crutches.
It's 2016 now, and I am seeing a clinical psychologist who is helping me get out of depression. Initially, when I tried to talk to my husband he denied that there were any problems in our marriage and kept saying that everything was in my head. Then, later on, he would say that everything that is wrong is because of me. I have tried to work on myself and change myself so that I can make this marriage work, but I am failing miserably.
In our society divorce is a tabu and culture says that kids get destroyed if you go for a divorce. I am a green card holder, and soon I will be a citizen. I did some odd jobs for a while because he does not let me work full time. Now I am thinking to polish my IT skills again and look for a well-paying job. I am not earning so I don't know what to do. We do not talk at all about anything. Whatever problems I have in my life I have to face alone.
He only goes to work and pays the bills; the rest is my job, kids, house cleaning, cooking, groceries, etc., all of it. The only communication that happens in our house is
"Do you want food?" yes/no
"What should I cook?"
"Have the kids done their homework?"
"Put the kids to sleep."
We sleep in separate rooms, and when he needs sex, he comes over. I feel incredibly lonely as my family is not here and I have few Desi friends, who are not a significant support as we move around a lot.
What should I do?