Domestic Violence Help for Men

Abuse is everyone's problem, and domestic violence help for men is also important. The effects of violence are not limited to the women who are abused by men. On the contrary, intimate partner abuse, known as IPV, also affects men who themselves are abused by either a woman or another man. Men who are perpetrators of abuse also are profoundly affected by their behaviors. Whether you are a man in an abusive relationship, and you are acting as an abusive man toward another man or women, there are ways to break the cycle before it escalates out of control.

What if You are the Bad Guy?

Being aware that you are abusive, places you in a position of power to alter that behavior before something really bad happens. This POWER is particularly available to you to harness if being an abusive partner is something you don't want to be doing or just know better than through past education.

There is domestic violence help for men who are the perpetrators of abuse. Any culprit of abuse, can and should seek out counseling, therapy, and education before something occurs that requires law enforcement to step in. Look for a licensed mental health professional in your area that is willing to work with men. 

Keep in mind that a professional will only want to work with an abusive man if that person is truly interested in changing. Such a man should also encourage his partner or spouse to look for help as well, as part of trying to understand why the abuse is happening.

A male perpetrator who seeking domestic violence help for men must be willing to forego his intimate relationship for a while if necessary, whereby the process of change and healing can occur. Also, the relationship can only renew with significant safeguards and ongoing professional relationships in place to ensure that no further abuse can occur. At the first sign of any emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, the victim must be empowered to act swiftly. The counseling should continue indefinitely if necessary to prevent relapse and ensure that real change has happened. A violent partner who has authentically made a change will be willing to participate in all of these steps after such serious transgressions against a partner. 

Legal Options for Men

If it proves for one reason or another that you cannot break the cycle of abuse on your own, you can seek legal assistance.

Legal options can be in the form of restraining orders, legal separation, divorce and custody dispute resolution.

It is advised that you consult with a lawyer who knows the law before something happens that sends you out of control, because in general the law falls on the woman's side.  If you react to abusive invitations or allow oneself to be provoked, you will land yourself in a hopeless legal situation.

Domestic Violence Help for Men includes Intervention for Your Spouse

Another option, and a very good one, is to make sure your spouse also gets help. This can be one of the best forms of domestic violence help for men and can help hold a relationship togeter.

The abuse could be from your being provoked by differences in personality and communication skill. In such case counseling for your partner to find new ways to communicate with you is vital to preventing disturbances to escalate into uncontrolled abuse. This process should be closely monitored though by 3rd parties if any verbal, emotional or physical abuse has already occurred.

In reality, there are far more services for women who are in danger of being abused than there are for men who are doing the abuse. Therefore, getting your female partner into a program to teach her how to better communicate while you are in a similar program can be lifesaving. Eventually, you may be able to participate in counseling and therapy together through a safe plan of progression.

What Can a Man Do When Abused?

If you suffer from being the target of abuse, even as a male, there are things you can do. First of all, as a man, you might not realize you are really being abused, so awareness of the definition of domestic violence is important. If you even suspect there might be abuse in your relationship, don't try to "man up" or be a strong male. Seek help and work with someone who is knowledgeable about the cycle of abuse. Learn the signs of domestic violence as they apply to men and compare your situation to them. Seek out one of the few shelters or hotlines that can provide domestic violence help for men.

Become informed about the legal options you have, be it restraining orders or criminal trial. Keep in mind that you have rights where your children and domestic resources are concerned.

Understand the Symptoms of Abuse

If you are worried that your relationship is abusive then you need to know what the signs of domestic violence are so you can properly identify how dangerous the situation is.

Domestic abuse, even of men, is a cycle. If you have experienced a change in your partner's behavior from attentive, generous, and protective to controlling, belittling, and scary, then you need to pay attention to the clues. In most cases the initial hurt caused from the abuse will be soothed away with apologies and promises only to occur again in ever more drastic forms.

How the mistreatment of a man might manifest itself: 

  • Physical confrontation stemming from arguments
  • Belittling behavior of various forms
  • Isolation from work, school, or family
  • Overbearing insistence on controlling finances or clothing choices
  • Angered jealousy or rage expressed alongside substance abuse or drinking alcohol
  • Threats of violence
  • Any actual physically violent contact
  • Being told that you deserve to be physically or verbally abused

If any of these symptoms of domestic violence are occurring in your relationship, then you owe it to yourself to get out of the situation as soon as possible.

Domestic Violence Help for Men Who are Homosexual

Abuse of men is not limited to heterosexuals. This is not just a situation where women are guilty of potential abuse, as gay men can also be abusers. If you are in a same sex relationship and your partner is mistreating you in any of the above ways, or if any of the following occur, then you should get out of the relationship.

Things to look out for include in a same sex domestic violence relationship: 

  • Forceably making you out yourself as a person of homosexual orientation against your will
  • Threatening to out you as a gay or lesbian without your permission
  • Telling you that you have no legal recourse for abuse because of your sexual orientation
  • Trying to make you feel shamed for leaving your partner because of abuse
  • Passing off violence as normal or denying that it has or will occur
  • Belittling you through denial of your orientation
  • Claiming that abusive actions are not abuse but fetish related behavior

Contacting the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233, your clergy, doctor, mental health center can help connect you to people who will help you.

Seeking legal advice to preserve your rights as a parent, to keep your name in the clear, and to get away from your abusive spouse before you strike back with violence is the best and safest course of action to you.


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